Mental Health Issues

Hye doctor I’m 16 years old . Every day , I find myself constantly anxious and worrying , thinking negative thoughts about myself , thinking about suicide , trouble sleeping , loss of appetite for a very long time and not enjoying life as much as I used to . I think I may be depressed or I am having trouble with anxiety. They symptom that I have been dealing with is hard to breath , increase heart rate ( both happen sometimes and it’s especially happen when I’m at public) , sweating hand , chest pains ( sometimes ) , trouble sleeping , shaking hand and tearfulness. I did try to kill myself using scissors once but I’m scared . I have been dealing it for a very long time and I decided to tell my parents about it because it get worse each day and I also tell them because I don’t want to take exam it just because I can’t . Last Monday , I went to school to take exam and then when I see a lot of people I fell very anxious , sweating hand , shaking hand and shortness of breath. The next i didn’t come to school that day my hand can’t stop shaking , my heart rate increased , hard to breath and chest pains it was so painful. After I talked to my mom about it my mom went to my school and and meet the Pk Hem and school counsellor to talk about it . I was forced to meet the school counsellor. The next day I came to school and meet the school counsellor to talk about it . I have a session with the school counsellor for 3 day but I didn’t trust her and cooperate with her so she decided to end my session and ask me to meet psikatri instead . I also have my own reason because I didn’t trust her and cooperate with her . I don’t know how to say but it started a very long time ago . One of the reason I become like this is because I didn’t get to enter science stream class I get account class . It make me feel that I’m not good enough and make me feel so stupid . When I was form 3 I didn’t study well I always play and I regret it . Now I become so obsessed with my exam mark even getting A- make me feel like I’m the most stupidest person in this world . I’m been forcing myself to study for almost 24 hours a day for almost one year and I can’t stand it anymore. I cry almost every night because I don’t want to study but I still study . I’m turtoring my own self . I push myself to hard until I become depressed at first and thing got worse . I don’t even know if I’m depressed or anxiety but at first I though I’m depressed i did some research in the internet about the symptoms of depressed and I’m having a lot of the depressed symptoms at first and I just ignore it but now I can’t ignore it because it get worse . I’m planning to go the local clinic and ask them to refer my to the division of the psikatri department tomorrow. Do you think that am I really having anxiety or depression? and what is going to happen if I go to government hospital ? Even staying at home make me feel anxious and hard to breath sometimes my hand shaking . I don’t even know what to feel anymore it’s like idk how does it feel when you’re happy , angry or mad all I know is just I’m sad every single day i don’t even know why it’s so complicated. The last question , it is okay if I write a letter telling how i have been feeling lately and give it to doctor instead of speaking to the doctor I’m just anxious and scared to met people especially when I need to talk to I don’t even have friends at school .