Anxiety and self-harming

i’m an 18 yo female who just finished spm and currently waiting for uni. i have been self harming since 11 and stopped for as long as a year in 2017 & 2019. i can’t remember how or why i have changed but i was cheerful and brave enough to talk in front of a crowd. now, i am easily panicked and break into cold sweat at the thought of talking to people i’m not close/ don’t know at all. i also have trembling hands that don’t stop for hours unless i calm myself down and forget about that time. in 2020, things took the worst turn. i faced many difficulties and had no one to open up or support. it was out of consciousness that i started planning on how to commit suicide. i don’t want to self diagnose myself but i think my anxiety is worsening and i have absolutely no will to live at all. i really want to seek for professional help but i have 0 support from families as they have no slightest idea that my mental health is very bad and i have self harmed since 11. i am also quite reluctant to physically show up for counseling nor calls because i don’t feel comfortable to have my family with me. is there any other options i can take? i really really want help